“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
-Philippians 4:6-7
I was there in the darkness, the pressure in the midst of what could be good. I was the big “what if?” question. I was the doubt, the fear. I may have pressed her to taking a bite of the fruit. I caused them to lie. I caused the wife to look back. I caused the trembling stutter. The waiting. All the what ifs.
Then I adapted with the people, trying to get into every aspect of their days to distract them. Then there was one lady, run amuck with busyness over some guest. I triggered a grudge against her sister for not helping, pressing on her and causing her to feel overwhelmed. Anxious. I was her anxiety. All of theirs. The what ifs, the doubt, the worry, the never feeling like they were enough, the questioning, the busyness, the pressing lack. The ropes that tangled over them in the night. The noises in the night that kept them from a peaceful sleep. Their constant disrupter. Their insufficiency reminder. I was a plague, but so common that none of them fought it. Anxiety.
As I was doing my best work with distractions over preparations, she called out to the guest to berate her sister.
But what she called the guest confused me. Lord.
Then the guest came back with a voice opposite mine, a voice laden with peace and calmer than the calmest sea. The guest told her that indeed, only one thing was needed.
There I recoiled to nothingness as the calm He spoke washed over her. I could attack others still, but His words would eternally defeat me.
“’Martha, Martha,’ The Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed – or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’” – Luke 10:41-42, NIV
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It woke me in the middle of the night. It felt like there was a weight pressing on my chest, and ropes strangling my neck. I could feel the darkness, and I couldn’t catch my breath.
I didn’t know what it was, but it felt evil. And I gasped the only thing, the only Name, I could think of: “Jesus.”
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
I whispered it a few more times, and finally, the weight went away. I wasn’t being strangled any more. Instead of the dark evil presence, light seemed to fill the room and I finally, finally, felt peace.
I woke again knowing what had happened: A very severe anxiety attack.
Sometimes they come when you do expect them, around a move, a new job or the loss of one, and worse, the loss of a loved one.
They come when you don’t expect them as well.
Anxiety is as debilitating as it is frustrating. So many of the bad emotions, all rolled into one. Doubt, fear, questioning, worrying, irritation, dread. It causes health issues. It makes it difficult to take a deep breath. Your chemicals are imbalanced, and it plagues those it attacks. There seems to be no end to it, no hope in sight.
We can trust God’s Word. We can go to Him with our thoughts and our minds. But anxiety is may very well be one of the opposites of faith and trust. That niggling worry deep within. That fear that frustrates you, and the anger that overwhelms you.
Maybe you can’t even explain why you are feeling the way that you are. Why you are doubting. Why you can’t trust them. Why you’re doubting every decision. There is a haunting reason behind it though: Anxiety.
It steals, it kills, and it destroys. It’s the root of bitterness that sinks down. It’s the reason you walk on eggshells about getting having a relationship, because everything else hasn’t turned out – why should that? It’s the reason you worry about the symptom to the point where you obsess. Because surely. It must be wrong. They must have bad intentions. That place that God’s held on to for you – there must be something wrong with it.
Everything could go wrong. It could be the biggest mistake of your life.
Or.
Or you could lay out fleeces, fall on your knees to pray, and trust that God opens doors that no man can shut. Trust that He can place the right people in your life and taking the wrong ones out of it. Trust that, if you are supposed to have that place in that dream location – maybe the reason it hasn’t sold isn’t because there’s something detrimentally wrong with it; but because you have a loving Father who knows your heart’s desires and wants that good for you. Trust that He will protect you wherever you go because He knows the longing in your heart to explore and see His creation. Trust that He can watch over your beloved pet when you’re away. Trust that the baby in your womb will be healthy, that your pregnancy will be healthy – because: “God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to Him for protection.” -Psalms 18:30, NLT
And trust and have faith that, when things do not work out, God still has a plan. He will still protect you. He can still heal, still save. Because the one who holds the stars is for you and will never leave you or forsake you. He created you for a purpose, for a reason.
He gives us His Holy Spirit to dwell in us, to direct us, to guide us to Him. And He guides. He gives us discernment. He is for us and never leaves us or abandons us, if we choose Him.
What I struggle with though, is discerning His voice. I second guess myself. Are my doubts my anxiety, or is it the Holy Spirit warning me? How do I know the difference?
How do I know when Jesus is protecting me, versus knowing when the grief in my heart is overwhelming me to the point where my faith is lacking? How do I know?
How do you know?
First, pray. Seek Jesus first. Ask Him to make it clear, abundantly clear, so that you know that you know that you know. Ask Jesus to give you His peace about whether a decision is right or not. Ask Him to pull you out of a situation.
If you would like to take an example out of the Bible, lay out a fleece as to if you should do something. Take Gideon’s approach. God likes bold courage, and He enjoys answering prayers when they’re in His will. He loves bold faith and true allegiance. When we ask Him to place a rainbow n the sky for a sign to buy that place – He just might. Or if pray for the one He intends for us to approach us first with a true witness for Christ, He can. Nothing is too difficult for Jesus. Nothing is too overwhelming. Maybe if we shouldn’t go somewhere, we can pray that He will make us late, or have a flight cancelled (no matter how frustrating). Or if that person should or should not be in our lives, that they’ll say or do something, and God will confirm it through that. We can ask God to make it abundantly clear. That the sale will fall through. That the person’s true colors will be revealed, without harming anyone. That if you aren’t supposed to go there, that something else will come up. That everyone will be safe, but that God will protect and redirect.
But seek Christ first. He is the Way Maker and the Miracle Worker. Nothing is too difficult for Him.
Or sometimes, when it truly feels like He is silent, then He’s letting you do this. Because maybe no matter the decision, it won’t harm you in total. His discernment was there, His voice still and small. But you went anyway. And you got sick. But it was your choice, and you made it through the illness. He tried to give you a warning in a still small way, but you ignored it and paid. But the price wasn’t your overall health, and it wouldn’t impact you the rest of your life.
He just wanted to spare you that.
He gives us free will.
He talks to us.
I just wish He would sometimes have it written down clearly, what to do, when to go, who to trust, how to handle it.
But even when it feels like He’s silent, or even when we’re not so good at listening, He protects us.
He wants our silly requests, our troubled pleas. Nothing is to insignificant or little for Him. If God knows the grains of sand on the seashore and can call the stars by name, how much more for even the seemingly minute needs for His children. He longs to protect us. Maybe, if we can be better about going to Him with the little things, the great anxieties won’t have a moment to touch us.
God is good, He is faithful, and He will never fail us. But anxiety does cripple.
With anxiety, there is discord. There is the feeling of being strangled, of not being able to catch your breath. There’s panic and frustration, and overwhelming thoughts and grief. There’s the panicking need to hurry. There is force.
With God, there is peace. There is clarity. And when His voice is still and small, we have to remember to truly surrender and trust Him, and go with your heart, because He lives there. Because the Holy Spirit is in you, the Hope of Glory. Never frustratingly forceful. Gentle, peaceful, kind. Secure. Humble. Protective. Discerning. Not anxious and panicked.
As a parent sees a dangerous situation their little child could be approaching but doesn’t want to frighten them, they gently direct, gently guide them away from the harm. When the situation is pressing down, and their child is oh-so-stubborn and about to be in the throes of danger, the parent will pull them out with an absolute motion.
Probably more than half of the time, we can’t comprehend all that God is protecting us from, gently guiding us away from.
Yet when He has something good for us and our anxiety paves the way to doubt, when we question and question and overanalyze and doubt and try to inflict our own concerns and all that could go wrong – be careful. Know anxiety. Know the opportunities God gives you. And guard your heart above all else (Proverbs 4:23), but be soft-hearted toward the path where Christ leads.
Anxiety was never supposed to be attached to us as it is. It was never supposed to sink in, to take hold, to strangle. To kill, steal and destroy. We were never meant to go with our fears and live out our days paranoid.
We’re supposed to know the Father’s voice. We are sheep, and we are supposed to be in tune with our Shepherd. To know His voice. To know His still, small voice. To understand when He is warning us, when He is redirecting us and when He is saying know. Through that, we are supposed to know what isn’t of Him. What’s the voice of fear and anxiety. To know God’s Word is to know that He never intended for us to be anxious, He never intended for it to be such a pandemic. He intended us for peace.
Because with Jesus there is a peace. There is hope and rest and no anxiety when we know where our security lies.
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in Me.” – John 14:1, NIV
He was given a command, but he chose to run instead. Not wanting to listen, not wanting to go where God needed Him. There was something in him, some darkness, some sort of attack that made him shut out the voice of God and seek an escape. So he thought he would be free of the Almighty on a boat. Then the wind and waves came, and the once sturdy boat felt like a fragile creature ready to break apart. They all had to be anxious.
God calmed the sea when they through him in. He sank, then sank some more. To the very depths. But God’s purpose would prevail, and Jonah ended up in the belly of the whale. Because in spite of his running, in spite of his determination to run with his anxiety and ignore the voice of God, God was greater.
For three days and three nights in the belly, God worked on him. Finally, Nineveh would hear His news.
“I sank beneath the waves, and the waters closed over me.
Seaweed wrapped itself around my head.
I sank down to the very roots of the mountains.
I was imprisoned in the earth, whose gates lock shut forever.
But you, O Lord my God, snatched me from the jaws of death!”
- Jonah 2:5-6
-By ASD, Alex D. Scottlynn
Anchored Identity 