Tag: No

‘It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in people.” – Proverbs 118:8, NLT

It was the underhanded bribe. The smile with manipulation underneath. The feeling of finally, finally, they were pleasing to someone. Someone approved.

Or maybe they were running scared. He was running scared. He knew the Teacher, the one who had become his friend, his brother. His Savior. And though what was happening to Him was so incredibly wrong, he didn’t want his life to be destroyed too. He didn’t want to be persecuted because of their wrong beliefs. So he aimed for pleasing the people surrounding him. Pleasing the crowds nagging him. The mocking voices, so they would no longer mock.

So he lied, he lied and he lied again. Then the rooster crowed.

And though He was persecuted and died a death he didn’t deserve, it wasn’t the end. And the people pleaser would turn into a rock who would be a martyr in the end. Because He was worthy.

“Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety.” – Proverbs 29:25, NLT

I don’t say no very well. If it’s something that scares me, maybe. If it’s something that I know goes against the Bible, it’s very easy to say no.

But when a loved one, a friend, even colleague or acquaintance has an idea, a need, takes control of the plans or tries to make way with their own agenda – that’s when my mouth can’t form the words. Or just word. It’s a simple, “no” -or- “I cannot.” And sometimes, I even find myself offering time, or something, that is not convenient to give.

Part of it is because I hate being rejected, so I feel like I need to please others, so they don’t. I want my image to look good. I want people to like me. I can be passive aggressive, to a fault. I come off as naïve, with a soft-spoken voice and a quiet demeanor. I’m meek. But as my pastor said, meekness isn’t weakness, it’s strength under control. Maybe.

Maybe if I used my quietness and saved my nos, people would believe it when I said no. Maybe people wouldn’t tread so much.

It’s just that, the plans are made without my input. An agenda set that wasn’t in my timing. I said I wanted to go somewhere, but that place was in the future, in my own time. Not…theirs. I love them, but God’s timing, not someone else’s. You should never go somewhere or do something because someone else wants you to if you do not feel peace. Yet don’t lead them on. Say I can’t, or no. That’s the heart of my issue.

You can’t buy your friends, because they end up owning you. You can’t submit to every wish and plan that someone else has. Because in the end, it’s their relationship and their power over you. You were never in it. You were just the happy, pleasant companion that they can bounce all their ideas off of, or put their rants and stress on. It falls on you. If they’re friends with you for their own motives, and not because they genuinely like you, you will always feel stressed out and overwhelmed because it is a toxic relationship. If they bring you stress instead of joy, if they bring you demands instead of actual friendship – they are not your friend.

Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He will use every opportunity he can, even if it’s through people you know, to attack you. When you’re in God’s will, when you’re doing things that shake the kingdom, we have a very real enemy who wants to wage war. Who wants to destroy. He isn’t very subtle. It can seem like a regular motion at first, but in the end, he makes himself known. It’ll be a jab here, a jab there. A random thing happening that is so very bizarre that the only thing you can do is stop and realize that that jab was from your enemy. But the enemy, by the blood of the Lamb, has been defeated. He has no hold on you, no say over your life. He can try to attack, but you have Jesus, the King of Kings, on your side. You have angels guarding you and going to battle for you. There is nothing that Satan can do to stop God’s plan for your life. Job had to face his attacks, he went through so many trials and tribulations, but God, in His mercy, and because He is who He says He is, restored. He restored more and better than Job could’ve ever hoped or imagined. Not because Job or his friends were perfect – far from it. But because God is.

The enemy will use “friendships” against us, and people against us. He came disguised as an angel of light, easy to persuade and trick. But the One who truly is the Light of the World has defeated the enemy. People might feel like they can control your life, manipulate you with their ideas. Recognize what narcissism is. It comes in the form charm, making you feel like the most clever, important person in the world. But then, somewhere in the chaos of the demands and the feeling of being insufficient, you recognize in your spirit you feel stressed after being with that person. The demands come. The stresses multiply. You have saved your nos, but now it’s time to say your no.

If they are your friend, if they are in it because they’re truly for you, then they will understand. But guard against the person who ridicules you, the one who jumps on social media to make complaints because you didn’t kowtow to their wishes. Or test them by their fruit. If they easily criticize others and gossip, and put down on others, know these red flags.

God wants us to be lights to everyone and witnesses, but He’s the Father who, seeing His child in jeopardy and spiritual turmoil, would never leave them there. He’s the Father who steps in and teaches His child to stick up for themselves, but He also defeats the enemy. Justice is His. He pulls us out of harm and sets our feet upon stone. He is the solid rock. Know when the situation feels so overwhelming and the attack so vile that you need to get out, and get out. Stay out. Don’t entertain the enemy. Leave justice in the hands of God, for Jesus is justice Himself. Leave that person, that friendship, in God’s hands. Because He will do everything to protect His children from those that mean harm. If a person is intended to be in your life, they’ll be there.

I catch myself going out of my way to say something that will please someone, while failing to realize that the very thing that would please them would inconvenience me. It would stress me out and become a burden. But I would bear it, for them.

I think I’m doing this good, this pleasing them, and it’s good. But ultimately, it goes against my gut instinct. And well, yes, Jesus realizes our motives and our purpose – He also gives us the Holy Spirit. And the Holy Spirit also speaks to us through instincts, through our emotions. He guides us along His path of life.

So when we feel like we shouldn’t go somewhere or do something, pray. If you don’t feel an absolute peace, pray some more. And if you still do not have peace, let your answer be, “I can’t” or “No.”

You do not owe anything to anyone, and your purpose in this life is to follow Christ. You don’t owe an explanation. Let your no be no and your yes be yes.

It might be frustrating as can be. It might feel like you’re letting the world and everything around you down, and that you’ll be a disappointment. But if the person you are staying “no” truly has the right motives and truly regards your friendship, they will understand.

God will ask us to do hard things, but He will never guide us into doing something that will 1) tempt us 2) give us anxiety 3) be more than we can bare. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light (Matthew 11:30)

When we feel like we’re being asked to do too much, when we feel like we’ve reached our breaking point, but still the demands keep coming – say your no. Pray, and say your no. Where Jesus is, there’s peace and there is safety. Yes, He will pick up and force you out of your comfort zone, He will guide you in His purpose for His glory. But He will never force you to do something that overwhelms you to the point of anxiety, overwhelming desperation, and fear. Fear is not of God. Being bullied and manipulated into doing something, being pressured to the point of stress, is not from Jesus. God is good, and He’s the loving Father who calls us to be bold and courageous (Joshua 1:9). But He also reminds us to take heart, for He has overcome the world (John 16:33)

Remember when the Pharisees made their demands, when people who mocked Him demanded miracles. When Satan demanded He bow.

These people, the enemy…they didn’t realize whom they were speaking to. They made their demands, but Jesus knew their hearts and their motives. He knew His purpose. Sure, it could’ve been easier their way, maybe if He had answered. But His gaze wasn’t fixed on the easy, temporary temptation of fleshly relief; His eyes were fixed on the cross and the empty tomb and eternity for all who call on Him.

The Savior, the one who is eternally good and kind and worthy, didn’t go out of His way to meet the demands of people. He knew truth because He is The Truth. He knew the depths of their hearts. I’m going to assume that Jesus didn’t have stress or feel overwhelmed by the situation because He could see them for what they were, and He was fully Himself. Fully God, fully man. Fully gracious, but fully justice. His mercy knows no bounds, and His justice is life because He is life.

He was the Lamb of God, and He only was here for the approval – for the life, death, sacrifice, and resurrection of one. God. He discernment far beyond what any of us every could. And He conquered the grave so we can have eternity. He saw the hearts of men, but never gave the enemy a foothold. The ultimate one who would bring true love to people wasn’t a sacrificial people-pleaser, He was and is strength and hope and life.

He understood, though. He understood how the crowds can be, how people can sway and manipulate identities. He knows my issues and He sees yours. He knew Peter’s before they happened. That absolute utter fear which led to denial so he would have good standing with the crowd.

Jesus knew, He foresaw, and He forgave.

Peter the people-pleaser became a martyr for his Savior. When Jesus conquered the grave, spreading that Good News became Peter’s identity. No longer needing to please the fallen people of this world, but needing to tell everyone that the Messiah is risen, and Jesus was his identity.

“Our purpose is to please God, not people.” – 1 Thessalonians 2:4, NLT

He told Him he would never deny Him, that he would never walk away. That he would stay by His side as He had with him. Yet He saw things he couldn’t, He understood his weakness more than he could comprehend. Jesus knew the depths of despair, the insecurities that had plagued Simon Peter. In three short years Jesus had took hold Peter’s life, and the lives of all who followed Him, and turned them upside down. Peter was changed. And yet this nature within him, the one of needing to please those around him, to have the approval of others, that stained his very soul.

In the harshest moments of Jesus’ life, when He bore a weight no one could ever possibly comprehend, Peter denied Him. Peter denied Him again. Because Peter was terrified for his own life, terrified of what they would do. When all that should’ve mattered, all that did matter, was what Jesus would do. What He had already done. But I couldn’t see beyond his fear. He couldn’t see beyond what they would do if he didn’t think as they wished.

The rooster crowed, just as He said it would. And Peter wept.

He wasn’t there, didn’t see the ultimate punishment and the hell they put Christ through. He wasn’t there, caught up in his shame and sin, horrified by this separation. He hid from Him, and had lied to save himself. Yet this Man who never did wrong – He truly never did wrong – He was dying. He was on the cross. And He was killed.

Surely, out of all the miracles, He could’ve spoken a word and could’ve been rescued. He fulfilled so many prophecies, so why did it have to end this way?

But what was it the prophets had said? What was it they foretold?

Saturday felt like the longest day in history. Buried in his grief, overwhelmed by his shame and lies.

Yet when Mary came running in, saying the stone had been moved. There was a glimmer of hope. He said He was Life. And the one who is Life couldn’t stay in the tomb, could He?

John outran him, but, out of breath, he let Peter enter first.

The tomb was empty. The linens which had covered Him were there, neatly folded. The tomb was empty. Surely…surely.

Then Peter saw Him, he saw His hands, His feet. He had risen! He had defeated death! Every prophecy foretold He fulfilled. Jesus was risen! He had conquered death. And with it, sin. His sin. His denial. His guilt.

He told Peter he would be His rock. How could Jesus redeem him so? Yet there He was, the perfect sacrifice for the world had somehow chosen him, this lowly fisherman – and chose him to fish for people. With all his fears of needing to please people, all his years of covering his tracks, of feeling as though he wasn’t enough. He still chose him. His forgiveness and mercy knows no bounds. And though he would fall, because he was not perfect, Jesus still made him righteous. Because it was His perfect work at the cross. There would be trials, but there would be joy. There was a priceless inheritance beyond this world, a salvation all through Him. And Peter would tell the world about Jesus.

“But Peter and the apostles answered, ‘We must obey God rather than men.’” – Acts 5:29, ESV