Tag: forgiveness

Sin

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“Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, ‘Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?’

‘No Lord,’ She said.

And Jesus said, ‘Neither do I. Go and sin no more.’” – John 8:10-11, NLT

I had been there without purpose, lost in the darkness. I was there as a space, waiting for something, for some type of meaning.

Finally, that came. Words were spoken. It happened so quickly. One day went by, then two, then seven.

I was seeing these things brought to life, names being given. Lights and then a light for the darkness. Living creatures, then living man. A perfect plan taking shape, light taking over. Finally, my once formless, void-less self, was brought to form, was made a house. I was chosen, out of everything else. I was the space that was spoken to, and I abounded with thrilling creation. I was a place that would hold something so incredibly dear and near to the ones made in His Image.

There was wisdom, light. It was beautiful.

There was an enemy lurking, buried in the depths. The reason I’d been enveloped in darkness. Surely, he couldn’t win. How could anything created by the Creator go against Him? How could some slivering creature deceive those made in the Creator’s very Image? Imago Dei.

He desired a relationship. He desired true love. So, He provided free will. The choice.

I shuttered as she took the fruit, making the wrong choice.

Though I still had a purpose and housed such beauty, a darkness I had never known before entered. It felt as though it were strangling me. I had seen such life before, but now there would be death. I wondered how this story would turn out. Would there be wrath? Would I go back to what I had been before He spoke light over me? Would my story ever have redemption? I was a void, a dark shell; but He spoke purpose and life over me.

Yet sin entered in, and the darkness I thought I knew before abounded.

I waited, for thousands and thousands of years. Prophecy after prophecy of one who would redeem.

Then there was 400 years of silence and burdens unimaginable. The weight kept pressing on, the darkness of that within me grew heavier with each passing day, with each passing sin. It felt hopeless.

But then, just when it felt like the void had settled in forever and the new darkness was here to stay, a star rose in the east and with the breath of a newborn, the greatest Light had entered. 

A Light to forever shine in the darkness, to never be extinguished.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.” – John 1:5, NLT

Everyone has sinned, we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. For me, it feels like I’m good at falling short every day. The gossip. The judgement. I stub my toe and a word pops out that I shouldn’t say. Someone is just a little too good looking. There are books, movies, shows and music that have themes, scenes and words that just does not simply honor God in any form. Instead, it tears Him down and makes a mockery. I lie, I cheat, I fear. I want too many things. The greed, the frustration and anger, contempt, unforgiveness, bitterness. The selfishness, the judging, the criticizing.

I sin. I fall short.

We all have.

It’s engrained in us. I feel horrible when I fall. But sometimes, I either turn around and do it again, or I keep pleading forgiveness for something that, if I was truly sincere the first time I repented, He’s already forgiven me.

Then sometimes I repent, and when tempted to go back, God helps me be strong. But what happens when I sin and fall short, when I give in again? Why do I keep going back to something that doesn’t give me life? Something that only satisfies the temporary and leaves me second guessing if I could ever deserve the eternal?

Because the thing is, I don’t deserve it.

But Jesus bore the full brunt of what I deserve, of what my sin does, on the cross. Because of Christ’s perfect work, I can have eternity with Him.

Nothing is greater than Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. No sin I commit is too big for His redemption story. I believe it’s the repetitiveness, it’s the weak side, it’s the time and time again that I fall short, that hurts the most. I’ll ask Him a million times to forgive me. And because He is truly good, He is truly just, and His sacrifice was perfect, He does. He already has. Yet knowing Him, I want to please Him and honor Him with my life. I want to go and sin no more. But we have a very real enemy that is always waiting to trip us up, waiting for us to fall. And it’s in those moments that He will use and abuse to make us think that we are no longer loved or cared for. To make us think that we’re so dirty and buried in our sin that we have no right to ask for forgiveness and come boldly before the throne of our gracious God once again. Sin separates because Satan steals.

Jesus and His perfect work ensure that though we sin and fall short, when we come before Him and repent – there is nothing that Christ won’t forgive (except the unforgivable sin which is denying the Holy Spirit): “Whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; they are guilty of eternal sin.” – Mark 3:29, NIV

We are saved by grace through faith in Jesus (Ephesians 2:8-9). This world is going to give us a reason to sin every day. Sometimes we wake up on the wrong side of the bed and that can affect us. Or the stresses pile up so very high, and that can make us want to give in to temptation. We have all sinned and fallen short (Romans 3:23).

But. God.

God’s grace. There is nothing that we could ever do. We can sit and beg and fall to our knees and plead for forgiveness a million times. We can even resort to making some sort of sacrifice; but what sacrifice would matter when the only Perfect Sacrifice laid down His life to conquer death and the grave?

We have all sinned. But He tells us broken, fallible creatures to, “Go and sin no more.” When we fail? I believe that’s His same command. Repent. Genuinely, remorsefully, repent. Realize what you have done isn’t in God’s best interest for you. Realize the stain. Realize the bloody cross and the punishment that you deserved, that He bore. He bore our sins and sicknesses, and He conquered death and the grave so we can have eternal life through Him.

We can never fully comprehend the entire weight of what sin does until we look at the death Jesus had to die for us. We must closely examine how He took our place. The beatings, the lashings, the crown of thorns, the nails into His wrists and feet. The bloody cross. His blood for ours. His life for ours. Death had to die so we could live. Without Him, we would be bound to the Old Testament laws and the sacrificial system. Without Him, we would be hopeless, barely getting by, guilt eating at us until the next sacrifices were made. An animal’s life for what we had done. All eloquence and grandeur, but it would never be enough. It was never enough until love came down and took our place.

“The Lord observed the extent of human wickedness on earth He saw that everything they imagined was consistently and totally evil.” – Genesis 6:5, NLT

I’ve read Genesis so many times, but this time, it jumped out at me.  With every evil intentioned theme in movies, shows and other media, this feels like what’s going on in our world today. It feels like the United States has quickly, devastatingly, become Babylon, where everything people imagine – especially things highlighted in the media – has become consistently, and totally evil.

This is also the first place in the Bible where God’s heart breaks. Because of humanity’s sin and wickedness. The floods came along with Noah’s story, where the few righteous (Noah’s family) were saved. Everyone else was swept away.

But all have sinned, all have fallen short. Nothing could ever truly fix it. No one sacrifice would cover a person’s sin throughout their lifetime, nothing could ever truly be enough. People would always have to repent, to plead. To find the right lamb.

But God so loved the world.

God, and only God, could know the one, perfect sacrifice. The only Lamb that could cover every sin throughout all of eternity. Only God, through taking our place, could bear the weight of the world, bear our punishment, and give us freedom. The full extent of our wickedness, the full extent of our sins and sicknesses and sorrows. Of death.

Only God. He gave His one and only Son, Jesus. “For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.” – 2 Corinthians 5:21, NLT

It was there, on the cross, full circle, where His heart broke. Before the flood, before the rainbow, His grand redemption plan was set into place. He broke there before Noah, and it broke for all humanity forever on the cross (deduced by the blood and the water. Jesus died of a broken heart.) By His grace, through faith, we are saved. It was nothing that we could ever do but everything He’s done. Because of Jesus, we have hope, we have eternity, and we can rejoice because, though we don’t deserve it, we get to have His peace and His joy. We get to rest in our Savior. We are redeemed. We are given new life. And it’s all because of Jesus!

Jesus. It’s all because of Him. It was nothing I could ever do, or you could ever do. We are so imperfect. But the perfect one bore our sins and sicknesses and conquered death so we can know eternal life.

Paul once said about His sinful nature:

“So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is the sin living in me that does it. And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is the sin living in me that does it… I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.” – Romans 7:14- 25, NLT

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He believed his cause was of righteousness, and he was doing the right thing. He was all in for persecution and condemning His followers. He hated them with a passion he believed was from Yahweh. He lashed out. He agreed with the killing of the young man they called Stephen. Surely Yahweh would be pleased. After all, how dare this man who came from Nazareth be called the Son of God? After all, he was condemned to die on the cross. Found guilty. He was buried in a sinner’s grave. Surely, no Messiah prophesied would come as He did. So poorly, hanging out with despised tax collectors and other sinners. Fishermen. The diseased outcasts. Manipulating people by the thousands and using bizarre methods to work His supposed miracles.

Yet… he saw Him when he shouldn’t have. He was acting in self-righteousness, following the regulations of the religious leaders instead of actually seeing what the prophets had written. What He had fulfilled. He had fulfilled everything.

He saw Him, real as ever, risen.  He was blinded yet seeing more than he had ever seen.

He had been malicious to His followers, promoting their punishment and murders. Despising His Way.

Only when he was blind did he truly see that He was The Christ.

When he saw, when he accepted, He guided him to his actual purpose.

If the Risen Messiah could choose him after all I had done, after the depths of his sin, then He must truly love everyone. He must desire every heart, every soul. The Jews first…and also, the Gentiles (Romans 1:6).

He would tell them about Him. All of them. He would tell of this redemption story set in place from the beginning of time. He would boast, from now on, only in Christ Jesus and Him crucified (Galatians 6:14).

The resurrected King had redeemed Saul, and turned him into Paul. He brought Paul out of death into life. Out of the darkness, into His light. He was so incredibly blind, held by the weight of what he had been taught to be right. Bound by the pride of religion and laws, while missing that He came for relationship. He came humbly. And Paul could finally, finally see.

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 6:23, ESV

Anger

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“Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.” – Ephesians 5:26, NLT

I’m a root that grows. I sink deeper through an outburst. Words not meant to be heard.

If they’re not careful, I will fester like an infected wound. My roots will grow down and down, wrapping around and strangling the gut, the heart. I breed bitterness. I lead to vengeance. Sometimes even murder. If they hold on to me, if they listen and aren’t slow to me, I will ultimately destroy them.

But if they’re still, if they choose a different path – they might even change the world for the better.

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.  Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.” – James 1:19-20

My anger usually comes in short bursts (road rage, football team losing upset). I get hurt sometimes, I get upset when someone does something unkind, or something I think is wrong. But have I ever yelled at a person in an argument (not road rage, where I *have* indeed yelled as someone cut me off)? No. I don’t do anger well. I don’t do arguing well.I don’t see how petty arguments are necessary. I hate conflict. I get angry with myself. Upset with my procrastination, my sin, what I haven’t done – but I think that tends to be more stress.

I was overwhelmingly hurt and frustrated by people with ill intentions after my family had passed away.

I’ve dealt with a lot. After the loss of a loved one, I felt like, for years after, it was a battlefield. People came and seemed to rage a battle all because of greed. They manipulated and cheated and plotted. God protected me every time, but it was eye-opening. It was the greatest lesson in my life. Somewhere along the way… my heart got hardened. There are the people that I trust completely, the ones who have been the hands and feet of Jesus. But there are others that my guards go up.  I wait for them to stumble. I wait for them to show a side so I can turn away. To prove my distrust was wrong, that my suspicions were correct.

I became someone I didn’t like. Frustrated and saying things I shouldn’t say in traffic and with bad drivers. Judgey over people. Irritated when things don’t go my way. More suspicious over every encounter because I don’t know them, so what could they possibly want with me. A neighbor would do something that would irk me, so I would let them know in my own way; instead of being still and waiting. I would put others down to others, because how dare they.

Sometimes, there’s something in my gut that says not to trust. To be on guard. To be wary. And is it my bitterness, or is it the Holy Spirit? Is the anger of a past hurt still poisoning me, or is it just anger? Is it my foolishness, or is it Christ warning me about a certain situation?

According to Healthline, “The physical signs and symptoms of anger include: Increased blood pressure, increased heart rate, tingling sensation, muscle tension.” Not only this, but anger leads way to, “Irritability, frustration, anxiety, rage, stress, feeling overwhelmed, guilt.”

Healthline.com/Why Am I So Angry, medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, PhD, PsyD. By Erica Cirino, 2019

The Bible warns us about a lot of things, and bitterness and anger are a couple of things we’re warned about.

Every time in the Bible when it refers to an unyielding heart, it shows “God hardened their hearts”…against Him.

Anger is the short-tempered outbursts and frustrations, unleashing of a grudge. Bitterness is the poisonous root that grows, the silent killer that destroys (Hebrews 12:15).

It can feel easier to be angry. It’s one of the passionate emotions, it overrules the docile, humble ones. We’re good about holding grudges, speaking before we think, going with our emotions and wanting to get the weight pressing on us off our chest. So we swerve and make rude gestures, we don’t pick up the phone, we write reviews or go to attorneys for lawsuits.

As Christians, our first instinct should be to pray. Our instincts should be that of mercy and grace. Of peace. Of forgiveness, because we’ve been forgiven. We’re to be peacemakers. But everything about this world tends to make us want to flee in the opposite direction. So many people do have cruel intentions. There are those who thrive off deliberately plotting evil. I think, since COVID, drivers have gotten a bit more reckless – at least in the USA. There’s crime everywhere. We have to be on guard. God gives us the gift of discernment for a reason.

If it’s from God, if it’s His just emotion in us, then how we’re feeling will never lead to bitterness, resentment and vengefulness. How we’re feeling will lead us to Jesus. To pray.

Yes, we get frustrated with our parents, impatient with our children, and into squabbles with our spouses. But if something we do leads to one or the other running and slamming the door, leads to separation and resentment, our response should be to humble ourselves and go to Jesus. Nothing should be that important that it destroys the ones you hold most dear. Nothing should be so important that it puts your life and the lives of others in jeopardy over the way you’re driving. Nothing is that important that it destroys relationships and ruins lives.

God’s just anger gives life, and fights for it. It hates what is wrong and holds true to what is right.

We are to embrace discernment, to be on guard. And people will inevitably wrong us. Some people can be so cruel. We should always listen to our gut instinct (the Holy Spirit), and the advice of those we trust. We can forgive, but if someone does something that is truly cruel, is truly meant to bring you harm, then still forgive, between you and Jesus. Because forgiveness is best for you. Because Jesus is so much better at handling things than we could ever be.  And if this person truly means harm, do not entertain the one that is deliberately set against you. Do not give a foothold to the enemy. Forgive and move on. Jesus rebuked Satan, and we need to follow His example.

There is righteous anger. God’s Word tells us to be, “You must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” – James 1:19, NLT

Do not be short tempered. Be slow. Pause. Think about it. Is your anger because of your emotions in overdrive, over a fleeting thing that doesn’t carry any weight? Be slow. Think. Or is it about true injustice which can lead to Godly anger? About things like human trafficking, kidnappings, terrorist attacks? About the true injustices of this world that break our hearts for they break the heart of God. So with this righteous anger, we fall on our knees and plead to the King of Kings who says that “Vengeance is mine.” (Romans 12:19)

Anger and bitterness are not what Jesus intends for us. He wants us to love our neighbors. He wants us to offer our enemies our other cheek (Matthew 5:39). He wants us to be humble and gentle, patient and kind. He wants us to not be bitter. He wants us to know that vengeance is His.

If I’m righteously angry it’s to do with injustice, and it’s a heartbreaking anger that motivates me to want to do something to stop injustice. Righteous anger makes me want to pray and petition God, not sharpen my knife.

There is so much injustice in the world. There really are bad drivers out there. There really are bad people out there with ill motives.

We are supposed to have discernment. We are supposed to guard our hearts above all else (Proverbs 4:23). We are to pray about everything (Philippians 4:6-7)

But we are not supposed to be completely cemented, distrustful, angry, and bitter about the world around us, when we have Christ in us the Hope of Glory living on the inside of us.

This world is going to fail us, time and time again. It’s going to frustrate us. But we need to trust that our Father in Heaven will take care of us, protect us and provide for us. We need to press in and seek Him first, so the outsiders with cruel intentions won’t get to us. We need to not be blinded by our rage and judgements but seek Him first.

We need to remember the verse, “And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.” – Colossians 3:17, NLT

That verse is so humbling. “Whatever you do or say.” Represent Him. Represent Jesus. In whatever we do, we’re His lights. In whatever we say, we’re His messengers. When we gesture inappropriately to the person who cut us off, when we blow back the dirt the other neighbor pushed in our yard, when we judge someone because they don’t measure up to our standards…That is failing that command. Because Jesus wouldn’t. He had so many people against Him. He had so many people making snide remarks and looking for ways to accuse Him and have Him killed. He understands human nature. He could’ve stopped them with a word. He could’ve wiped them out with a flood. He could’ve called angels to start a battle. But He chose the rainbow after the flood, He chose to take our place, He chose the cross.

We are commanded to be “Salt and light” in the world. Yet this world makes it easy for us to distort the salt command and be salty. And distort the light command into thinking we’re showing how that person is wrong.

We’re to be like Jesus. The essence of love, peace, and kindness. Yes, He is the Truth and He brings justice. But we need to bring everything to Him. Our joys, our upsets, our anger.

Whatever we do, whatever we say – people know we’re Christians and we are failing Him when we act like the world.

It was never our petty selves. His purpose, His justice, is far greater. The enemy of our souls, Satan, has been overcome “by the blood of the Lamb and by the Word of their testimony.” -Revelations 12:11, KJV

“But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.” – Colossians 3:8

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He had every opportunity to do what was right, but he refused. How could his offering not be acceptable, but his brother’s was? It ate at him, tormenting him, plaguing him. He was so angry.

Maybe he plotted, wondering the ways he could have justice for himself. Maybe it was a spur of the moment outburst. He invited his brother into the fields and attacked him, killing him. All because of anger, and maybe a whole lot of jealousy and pride as well.

Descendants from the very first humans God spoke life to, to mess up so quickly, so drastically. Cain let his anger, his sin win, and is forever known as the first murderer.

“’Why are you so angry?’ the Lord asked Cain. ‘Why do you look so dejected? You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.’” – Genesis 4:6-7, NLT